she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
