your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
