i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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