You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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