My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
