scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
