ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
