You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
