he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
