remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
