she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
