Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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