Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
