Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How's work?
Spinning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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