You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
