Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
