i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
