I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
