Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
