You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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