I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
