I am puke
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
