you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
