I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
