Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
