yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
