You smell like a Billy Joel song
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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