that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How external is "for external use only"?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i think my cat just said my name.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
