dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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