Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
