i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
