I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
