I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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