Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
