There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
