you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
