she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
