i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
