Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
