She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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