Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
