the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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