I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
