did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
