He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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