I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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