There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
