so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
