it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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