I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
