My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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