Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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