Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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