found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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