I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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