yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
