if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
