I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
